Now people often ask me: "How is life being a mom?" And I am always tempted to say "Hundred times better than my pay job!" But I held back and said "Never been better!"
Little Hobb has totally changed my perspective towards life. Last week Hobbit told me that I have changed a lot. It took me by surprise because he seldom tell me things like this. So I asked him how have I changed. While sitting at the picnic benches he said, "before, you used to take everything seriously and would go mad if things don't go your way. But now, you seem to be more laid back and relax." I thought of it for a moment and found it to be true. I actually noticed that I tend to think and do things differently most of the time now, yet it is hard to pinpoint what exactly changed and that a big part of me still refuses to admit those changes, if you know what I mean.
As much as I like to become a stay-at-home wife, I still prefer spending my own hard earned money rather than asking Hobbit to fuel my pocket everyday. But ever since Little Hobb made his grand arrival, there was not a single day that I stop thinking about his growing up life, future and safety. Everyday I feel like I am the BEST person who can nurture him in every aspects of life. Then through the nurturing, his future would at least be guaranteed while I keep him close to me, that he will always be in safe hands...
Is this what people call having a mother's instincts?
After donning my 'mom' crown, I still don't know a lot of things. I get nervous and panic all the time when Little Hobb starts to act 'unusual,' develops new ability and just learned new things. Whereas what I thought were 'abnormal' is actually very normal and nothing to fret about. I start pesting Hobbit to let me quit my job and stay home to look after Little Hobb just because I worry sick that any babysitter would pinch, hit or slap Little Hobb if they can't have patience for his little attitude. I cry whenever my parents or my parents in law jokingly threaten Hobbit and I that they will take Little Hobbit home with them since it is hard for us to find a nanny. I pray the same prayers many times a day just so God won't forget to shield Little Hobb from any harms and danger even when I know He already knows. I immediately jumped out of my seat to get ointment when a mosquito just landed on my baby's face. I find myself wanting so much to take rolls and rolls of adhesive tape just so I could glue Little Hobb on me so I will always be there to fight his fight and win his race.
And I do many other things that I couldn't imagine doing before. Is this even healthy?
Such drastic changes would never make me the BEST mom in the world. But to walk a thousand miles to be the BEST for Little Hobb? I would cross a million ocean and expect nothing in return because I love him!